Greendisco13's Journals

Jems and Dirt

The sky is clear for the first time in years. Clouds have parted and so have the thought sof him. The feelings of inferiority and self-doubt have since been replaced; just like him. I stumbled upon a jem when I was crawling in the dirt. The smile that seems fixed upon my face was merely a prop back in the day, but now it is certified genuine. Jems sparkle, shine, and last, but boys like him, boys like dirt, get washed away in the rain. Now that the sun is shining, the dirt is srunching beneath my feet while the jem is twinkling so remarkably beautifully.

What's Happening to Me?

I used to be on the frontline, a guarded soldier fighting for her life. I kept my distance and lived through a facade. Made myself content with being a fletting thought on someone else's mind. I was so strong and concealed, hidden deep inside an underground bomb shelter. Safe and sound, until you came along. You caught my eye, and I couldn't look back. Now. I', gushing and transforming into a typical girl. No armor, just vulnerability. Tripping up on my tongue, blushing bright shades of red, and smiling like the sun. I feel stupified and dumbfounded, but you chuckle and gaze at me. I can't help but longingly stare back, hoping this spell doesn't fade.

Riptide

I feel this pull, this current slowly creeping within the walls of my heart. And I'm speechlessly, helplessly awaiting a riptide to pull me head over heels. You're different because you're not translucent. You're complex and dynamic, so I keep guessing. I keep learning and striving to get inside your head while you charge at my heart. All too quickly I'm falling, and I can't read your mind like I could with the others. I'm hung up on the mystery; I have to figure you out. Let me in. Let me know what you feel, what you think. I'm a cornered Nancy Drew with a smile that you seem to adore. A smile you make oh so difficult to conceal. So seal my insanity with a goodnight kiss. If I smile in my sleep, I'm dreaming of you.

Parting Ways

I'll wave goodbye and wish you well. I'll hope with all of my heart and soul that I'll see your plane land and you walk off of it in one piece. I'll write you letters to remind you of our childhood and innocent times. But I won't wait for you. I'm flooring the pedals of my heart and racing red lights. Forget what I said and, most importantly, what I did. Those days are long gone, Honey. This boy on the corner, he's got a clue. He knows I've got a lot to give. And he won't let go all that you gave up. I'm planning a speech for when you finally realize I'm the best thing you've come across. You could buy me the biggest, shiniest diamond and kneel in scalding lava, but it won't change a thing. Because I won't give up this peace and self-satisfaction for a fifth chance. I forgive you, but will you be able to forgive yourself?

Invisible

Close your eyes and sleep tonight.

You don't know if

You'll wake up again, so

Close your eyes

Sleep tight tonight.

Dream sweetly of

Sunshine and freedom,

A day spent hopeful,

A night spent fearless.

Children, grab your guns.

They'll make you fight,

And steal,

And kill.

There is no love in those

Coal eyes.

There is no emotion in their

Hollow, black hearts.

You're invisible they say.

Invisible children that

No one can care for.

But they're wrong.

We're here.

We care.

Why can't we stop it?

I simply don't know.

Caring isn't enough.

Promises we made,

Contracts we've signed;

We must stop this.

You're not invisible

Anymore.

This calls for revolution,

This calls for action,

This calls for peace.

How many casualties are too many?

How long until they become

Invisible again?

Sunsets and Heartbeats

I have embraced the art of smiling, and I am engrossed in my happiness. I never saw this beauty until you opened my eyes. Sunshine and a car ride in your passenger seat. Singing along with the radio, where the road goes, we don't know. Quite frankly, I can not care. With you by my side I can feel the world spin. I can hear the grass grow. Taste the passion and desire on my lips. Take my hand and drive for days. Let's get away, away from all the pressures and cares that plague us here. Darling, let's race the sunset all the way to the west coast and feel the Pacific Ocean crash against our flesh. Let's dance in the California moonlight like no one is watching. Let sleeping eyes envy us as we live our dreams. And when the sun crawls up and over the horizon, we shall sleep. For what we have right here, right now, is far too powerful for the rest of the world to witness. So, we selfishly keep it to ourselves, locked in our hearts, synchronized to the beat of our love. Nothing can break this. Nothing can break us.

Crusade

I'm screaming at deaf people and flipping off the blind. Impenetrable apathy coated with smiles so plastic the sun makes them bubble. Twisting knives in the backs of kin, burning bridges made of dynamite wicks. Your prodigy sacrificed for the shallow shrew. Virgo to the flames, Sagittarius to the throne. When the apocalypse sets in and the feudal system falls to pieces, the serfs will vengefully rise to tear down the diamonds you're covered in, exposing the truths like plagues. Pray to the god you've driven me to abandon, rely on your faith to save you. There won't be a reply or safety net to fall on, just your sheer layer of kindness and beds of nails. The weight of your sins crush you like hurricane tidal waves bellowing from the depths of hell. Currents grab your soul like demons pulling you under, taking you where you belong. The flames will sweat out the fever of guilt as you drown in the remorse you never felt. All of your liquor-induced stupors and verbal abuse flash before your eyes: a parallel universe Northern Lights. I want you to feel every twang of pain I've felt over the past sixteen years. Shed every tear that has fallen from these eyes. But you won't have to. You don't have scars and scabs that never heal. And this is just something else you ungratefully overlook from your castle upon the mountaintop. I'd fade into the background, but this picture frame was never meant to fit me in it anyway.

Nowhere to be Found

The things that you said hang in the air and stick to me, like clothes on a humid day. I fight with the words you never said, and defend imaginary reasons as to why you never said them. Your tongue never swelled, your throat never closed. But the words never strayed past your lips; if, they ever even formed in your mind at all. My heart is in the past, but my body is in the now. I'm caught in a time warp that's tearing me to shreds, like a black hole. There's no sun, just clouds and rain. Yet there's a drought still, and it makes no sense. Precipitation and streams of tears should be enough to let the flowers grow. Darkness engrosses this world, and I'm afraid. Where are you to protect me?

No Detours in a Heartbreak

Lying to myself

Living in the past

Trying to jump over roadblocks

Without success

There are no detours in a heartbreak.

I tried to hold back

The tears and resentment

But the pressure made me crazy

I got lost in your eyes

And mesmerized by your melodies

There was never any question

As to me falling for you

The only concern

Was how long it would take for you to

Reveal your true intentions

Now I'm stranded

On a deserted stretch of highway

With this jalopy in my chest

There's no Triple A for hearts

There's nowhere to go but forward

Unfortunately I'm in neutral

There are no detours in a heartbreak.

Sunday Night Dreams

Sunday night dreams in black and white crushed by the monday morning sunrise. Waking from a slumber that wasn't meant to be broken like this, broken like a heart. Tears that fell last night have dried with my desires. Hope faded and fled like the mascara on my cheeks. The unfaithful ticking time bomb in your chest finally exploded taking me as a casuality. I tried to run, but the scars will forever show. I can't hide from this, but I can't accept it just yet. Not until you feel the excruciating pain that you put me through. Not until you walk through the scathing fires of hell unharmed. You won't walk away.